A view from the past

 

January 6, 2013

 

I remember looking at all kinds of things that I thought might help me find a life path that would make me feel good. I was very skeptical about all kinds of things including parents, church,(especially church) people, school, and anything else that challenged whatever notion I had at that particular time. I remember sitting in Sunday school and asking the hard questions. What is life for?

 

I watch people. That is my hobby. Many people, young and old, remind me of much what I was like when I was seventeen and finishing high school. I knew that there were some “truths” out in the world; I just couldn’t determine what they were. At that point in my life I wanted to get explanations that would help me understand my role in life. Was I to be like so many I had seen come and go who had no goals, no purpose, no reality? I wanted to play football and wrestle because that was “cool”. In those days, much like today, some were on the “first string” and others were used as red meat for the first stringers. I have no animas for those who were considered top guns and played both ways in football, but I just knew that should I get a chance, would be right up there with the great ones. I wrestling it was a bit different because you simply had to be the best in your weight class to excel. Well, my weight class, 154, as I recall, was taken. This fine young man that was about seven feet tall and looked like a walking stick, would win every time we wrestled. He only had one move which was to wrap you up in what was called a cradle (really, much like a snake swallowing a deer, then slowly move you into the pinning position. Game over!

I watch people today, at 69 ½ and I understand a great deal about what these struggles meant and how they blessed my life. Some are given great opportunities, intelligence, will-power, and spiritual insights. Many of these “first stringers” squander those opportunities because they came too easily. Others are given a much greater gift – the gift of opportunity. They understand that life comes with some challenges. They find that it is impossible for them to even know things like colors, or directions because they have been given an opportunity to see things as a color blind person, or a left-handed person. They understand that reading does not necessarily mean comprehending; that going through the motions of sitting in a classroom does not necessarily mean learning is transpiring. They learn that alternative methods of learning, visualizing, and living life are available. I thought myself inferior for many years because I was caught in a gap between Hispanic and the more trendy cultures associated with European/English peoples.

Then religion came along and it really rattled my cage. I was Hispanic/English/German; I was a Mormon in a Catholic/Methodist/Baptist environment. About that time a popular song fit my cultural ethos to a tee. In short it shouted, “The French hate the English, the Germans hate the Dutch, and I don’t like anybody very much.” So conflicted I just assumed that everyone hated me because I was made up of all the categories people disliked. When we met with my mother’s family, it was always necessary to harangue about the Mormons and the English. When we met with my father’s family it was necessary to bring in the bigotry of the Baptists against the Mormons, topped off by some choice words about those damn Mexicans.

It was only after years of going to school, raising my family, being married to my best friend and teaching all kinds of kids and adults that I really understood who I was. I learned that I was a child of God. That he had provided me with all the challenges and frustrations for the specific purpose of allowing me to reach my potential as a human being. He allowed me to understand, to have empathy, to love, and to enjoy. Again, Paul’s comment in the LDS thirteenth article of faith that says We believe in being honest, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul—we hop all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

I hope that each of you digs deep within your personal soul and seeks out those things which Paul so eloquently shared with us.

God bless each of you as you grow your future.

Duane Jacobs, Father, grandfather, brother, uncle, cousin, and fond friend