How to be nice

January 3, 2015

The Christmas song about being naughty or nice makes me cringe. My new year’s resolution is to take back the thousands of times over the years when I have made people sad by my comments; made people look at what I had done as some kind of act of deceit or disloyalty; or had people just turn off the Duane switch and no longer accept me as their friend, colleague, or loved one. In this mortal sphere there is no take backs; only pleas for forgiveness and hopes of a better tomorrow.

For those who have, like me, been less than perfect may I recommend one way of taking a little of the sting out of those moments in our lives which limit our ability to be free of past discretions? I am going to do everything in my human frailty to ask those who have been hurt by my bad judgments to forgive me. I am going to work really, really hard on forgiving those who I feel have done things to dishonor me. Then, I am going to plead with my Savior to forgive me so that I can reach forward and rid myself of all ungodliness.

My father Charles Glenn Jacobs was a man of many seasons. In his youth he was an unholy terror, drinking, carousing, chasing women, making and selling bootleg liquor, and anything else that might fit in those categories. He was abusive to his first wife and moved from Texas to Arizona, where his next season began. Like the Children of Israel it took him a long time – ten years instead of forty – to find peace in his life. He and grandfather (Gramps) batched, ran cattle, built Glenn’s Trading Post in Concho at the junction that scattered  people in three directions; to St Johns, Holbrook, and Sholow. Those were wild days with lots more of the same. He met and married my mother and she became the moving force in his life for the next 32 years until he died in 1973. My mother was the strongest (spiritually, and mentally) of the two and gradually, through example and much, much forgiveness moved him forward to the next seasons. His introduction of mother to Gramps went something like this. He came in the store and went over by the wood stove where Gramps sat and said, dad, this is my new wife, Lucy to which Gramps retorted, “Well, S**t, if you can’t succeed at first, then try, try again.” She went downstairs, bawled for several hours; then, went about the business of taming the “beast”. On numerous occasions he would make comments about those d***n Mexicans, then immediately see the look of sadness on her face, apologize and say, “Moma, I am so sorry; I was fed hatred and bigotry with my mother’s milk.” Forgiving and asking forgiveness were the keys to their success.

When my book of life is opened before the Lord, I will see the little things done in the spirit of the moment that hurt people. I will see the time I was sitting as a guest at a dinner table when one of the ladies began commenting about the “fact” that there had been more than one person a day killed in the making of the Glen Canyon dam; to which I retorted that since the dam was at least ten years in the making, more than 3,650 people would have been killed. She was embarrassed; her husband was embarrassed; and all around just sat quietly allowing the ugliness of the moment to pass. One of those feathers I will never be able to retrieve. Recently, I have been hounding my daughter, Diane, asking for research on certain products. I brought her to tears and it was only then that I recognized that she was doing what she does out of love and concern for her very over-weight father. On another occasion I my beloved wife, Jean, feel bad because of our “discussions” regarding when and if we would spend time in Southern Utah. My mother had an answer to all the above when she addressed the issue of her success in staying the course of marriage with my father until his departure from this life. She declared that nothing in this life is worth arguing about. Even though my father loved to argue and challenge, she remained above that.

I pray that I can during this season of my life the nature, the caring, the opportunity, the privilege, and honor of being a child of Heavenly Father will prevail on me and bless me with tender understanding for those around me.

God bless us all that we may cherish those we love, remembering to ask for and receive forgiveness.

Duane Jacobs, father, grandfather, husband, uncle, brother, cousin, and friend

How to be nice

January 3, 2015

The Christmas song about being naughty or nice makes me cringe. My new year’s resolution is to take back the thousands of times over the years when I have made people sad by my comments; made people look at what I had done as some kind of act of deceit or disloyalty; or had people just turn off the Duane switch and no longer accept me as their friend, colleague, or loved one. In this mortal sphere there is no take backs; only pleas for forgiveness and hopes of a better tomorrow.

For those who have, like me, been less than perfect may I recommend one way of taking a little of the sting out of those moments in our lives which limit our ability to be free of past discretions? I am going to do everything in my human frailty to ask those who have been hurt by my bad judgments to forgive me. I am going to work really, really hard on forgiving those who I feel have done things to dishonor me. Then, I am going to plead with my Savior to forgive me so that I can reach forward and rid myself of all ungodliness.

My father Charles Glenn Jacobs was a man of many seasons. In his youth he was an unholy terror, drinking, carousing, chasing women, making and selling bootleg liquor, and anything else that might fit in those categories. He was abusive to his first wife and moved from Texas to Arizona, where his next season began. Like the Children of Israel it took him a long time – ten years instead of forty – to find peace in his life. He and grandfather (Gramps) batched, ran cattle, built Glenn’s Trading Post in Concho at the junction that scattered  people in three directions; to St Johns, Holbrook, and Sholow. Those were wild days with lots more of the same. He met and married my mother and she became the moving force in his life for the next 32 years until he died in 1973. My mother was the strongest (spiritually, and mentally) of the two and gradually, through example and much, much forgiveness moved him forward to the next seasons. His introduction of mother to Gramps went something like this. He came in the store and went over by the wood stove where Gramps sat and said, dad, this is my new wife, Lucy to which Gramps retorted, “Well, S**t, if you can’t succeed at first, then try, try again.” She went downstairs, bawled for several hours; then, went about the business of taming the “beast”. On numerous occasions he would make comments about those d***n Mexicans, then immediately see the look of sadness on her face, apologize and say, “Moma, I am so sorry; I was fed hatred and bigotry with my mother’s milk.” Forgiving and asking forgiveness were the keys to their success.

When my book of life is opened before the Lord, I will see the little things done in the spirit of the moment that hurt people. I will see the time I was sitting as a guest at a dinner table when one of the ladies began commenting about the “fact” that there had been more than one person a day killed in the making of the Glen Canyon dam; to which I retorted that since the dam was at least ten years in the making, more than 3,650 people would have been killed. She was embarrassed; her husband was embarrassed; and all around just sat quietly allowing the ugliness of the moment to pass. One of those feathers I will never be able to retrieve. Recently, I have been hounding my daughter, Diane, asking for research on certain products. I brought her to tears and it was only then that I recognized that she was doing what she does out of love and concern for her very over-weight father. On another occasion I my beloved wife, Jean, feel bad because of our “discussions” regarding when and if we would spend time in Southern Utah. My mother had an answer to all the above when she addressed the issue of her success in staying the course of marriage with my father until his departure from this life. She declared that nothing in this life is worth arguing about. Even though my father loved to argue and challenge, she remained above that.

I pray that I can during this season of my life the nature, the caring, the opportunity, the privilege, and honor of being a child of Heavenly Father will prevail on me and bless me with tender understanding for those around me.

God bless us all that we may cherish those we love, remembering to ask for and receive forgiveness.

Duane Jacobs, father, grandfather, husband, uncle, brother, cousin, and friend

Tradition lost

November 30, 2014

We bounced on the scene fifty years ago with energy, youth, and great expectations. We had a firm handle on addresses of friends, neighbors, and relatives we would eagerly send Christmas greetings each year as a token of friendship and remembrance of our Savior, Jesus Christ. We sent them in early December and eagerly await the glistening cards and messages of hope. The personal messages we carefully placed inside the cards became a “one size fits all” cheery message about our family and how they had grown and progressed in life. About twenty years ago, the messages we sent and received slowed down to a trickle, but we still enjoyed them and continued corresponding; in many cases only on the occasion of Christmas. In the beginning we had a list that we groomed and improved each year, but time has a way of withering our enthusiasm and dimming our memories. Addresses got lost, people died, divorced, forgot about us, and the list dwindled to a relative small size. Three years ago we stopped sending cards and letters and went with the thrill of the day – E MAIL. We talked recently about many of the people we have enjoyed as friends and found that we had no idea of where they were or what they were doing. We fared equally as well with relatives, noting that we that we had lost track of many cousins and others.

Jean has reconnected with one cousin in the last year and found great reciprocal joy in sharing notes about family circumstances. We met with friends from my high school days in Scottsdale for lunch and solved all the problems on earth. Thursday and Friday of this week we celebrated Thanksgiving and shared beautiful experiences, watched our children and grandchildren learn about and play with each other. We talked about their college, high school, and elementary school activities and found the cycle of life to be working well. We observed that some have brilliant minds and other are more like Jean and me. We both floundered through school, through social and athletic experiences, and consider ourselves extremely blessed to have survived those experiences; then grown together as a team through good times and bad.

My dear cousin Clara Jo Fitch (Candelaria) recently made what she called her last pilgrimage to New Mexico to see family and experience – once again – the land of enchantment. She was not able to get to Utah so she called me and we had a delightful visit. Several months before my mother, Lucy Baca Jacobs Livermore, passed away Jo made a special trip to Utah to visit with mother regarding her spiritual health. Jo is a life-long Catholic and mother converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints when she was in her mid thirties. Mother was always one that wanted to please her family and Jo was on a mission to return mother to the Catholic Church. Mother always had warm feelings for the Catholic Church because of her heritage and the beautiful message of Christ which both her childhood church and the Church of Jesus Christ hold as the centerpiece of spirituality.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a list of thirteen Articles of Faith set the stage for understanding how mother could be an active, temple attending member of the LDS Church and still hold these beautiful feelings for the people, the heritage, and the spiritual message of the Catholic faith. The thirteenth article shares the admonition of Paul in which he declares that all truth is from God.  “ . . . we believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” Capped with the first article of faith, “We believe in God the Father, and in his Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost” mother found great strength in her faith in God, in her hope for an eternal reunion with her family, and with a desire to understand and embrace Charity – the pure love of Jesus Christ.

All humanity must hold close to the truths provided in God’s law. We must unite together in understanding and love of family and country under God. May we share our blessings with our family, friends, and countrymen through understanding and love.

Duane Jacobs, grandfather, father, husband, brother, cousin, uncle and friend

How can we take it in?

Feb 1, 2015        

Today I am almost giddy with joy and appreciation for all that surrounds me. The examples of Christ like love witnessed this week have been beyond my grasp of understanding. I watched as grand children worked tirelessly and together to rig a sort of train out of a bicycle, a couple of kiddie cars, and some twine. They toiled, unaware of the freezing weather for the sheer joy of being together and living life. What joy! I went inside to see “dad and mom” working side-by-side to address issues of family activity now and in the future. I looked down and saw this little angle crawling around spreading humungous amounts of love and heavenly joy. My thoughts went immediately to St Matthew where Jesus tells us what our job is – to love God, to love others, and to love ourselves.

Today I went, resisting all the way, to a baptism. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be in such a place of peace and tranquility; rather, that some circumstance in the past might cause distress for those associated with the family. Perish the thought. As soon as we entered the chapel the light of Christ eradicated all negative opportunities for Satan to do his dastardly deeds of doubt and destruction and the whole thing became bright and beautiful. Beyond comprehension the little girl with the same name as two of my Aunts went to the podium and sang an angels carol. Her beautiful sweet notes were only surpassed by her bright and knowing countenance. You see, she knows that God lives; that he loves us and is so very pleased when we can see through the din and continue to follow the Iron Rod toward the loving arms of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Smiles, hugs, and promises to continue and enhance a family history and an even more important testament of God the Eternal Father, his Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.

Today when we got home from the baptism, I open my email to find a letter from our latest missionary in the family. Elder Wright is one who has fought like a caged tiger for the opportunity to serve as a missionary. Health questions with no answers plagued him for over a year as he picked and poked at the medical system and slowly but surely worked his way through to find the sweet service he so wished and deserved to provide. The letter is very sacred and precious so I shall not divulge the nature of even the gist of his message. I will simply share that in the short week he has been on his mission he has grown into a man of God. In this world of difficulties, doubts, unanswerable questions, economic impending doom, liars, cheats, and unworthy desires; my heart takes courage and hope as I watch the future leaders of the world. These beautiful people working, loving, sharing, praying, doing the will of Our Father in Heaven.

I believe that the answer to the rhetorical question, “How can we take it in?” is right in front of us. Our job is to join in the feast of love and understanding right in front of us. Jesus told us that we needed to become as little children. I take this literally and ask myself; self, can I turn back the clock of my mind and think happy and sweet thoughts and share them with those around me? Can I get right down on the floor with that angelic one-year old and smile and laugh right back. Can I look around; see those who are having some of life’s trials and bring joy and encouragement to them? Forever I have been intrigued with the world of the autistic, with the epileptic, with the mentally deficient. What are they thinking? What are they going to report to our Savior about how we shared (or ignored) them? The young man plagued with bursts of loud noises; the child that looks just like yours that can only sit and stare at a notepad screen looking at random colors and designs is a child of God, placed here for purposes which are more than we can take in. Our job is to use our talents to bless those around us by loving, caring, actions.

God has formed for us, a beautiful world with all the challenges necessary for us to prove ourselves to ourselves. God bless us all that we can obtain to the challenge.

Duane Jacobs, husband, father, grandfather, uncle, cousin, brother, and friend

How can we take it in?

Feb 1, 2015        

Today I am almost giddy with joy and appreciation for all that surrounds me. The examples of Christ like love witnessed this week have been beyond my grasp of understanding. I watched as grand children worked tirelessly and together to rig a sort of train out of a bicycle, a couple of kiddie cars, and some twine. They toiled, unaware of the freezing weather for the sheer joy of being together and living life. What joy! I went inside to see “dad and mom” working side-by-side to address issues of family activity now and in the future. I looked down and saw this little angle crawling around spreading humungous amounts of love and heavenly joy. My thoughts went immediately to St Matthew where Jesus tells us what our job is – to love God, to love others, and to love ourselves.

Today I went, resisting all the way, to a baptism. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be in such a place of peace and tranquility; rather, that some circumstance in the past might cause distress for those associated with the family. Perish the thought. As soon as we entered the chapel the light of Christ eradicated all negative opportunities for Satan to do his dastardly deeds of doubt and destruction and the whole thing became bright and beautiful. Beyond comprehension the little girl with the same name as two of my Aunts went to the podium and sang an angels carol. Her beautiful sweet notes were only surpassed by her bright and knowing countenance. You see, she knows that God lives; that he loves us and is so very pleased when we can see through the din and continue to follow the Iron Rod toward the loving arms of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Smiles, hugs, and promises to continue and enhance a family history and an even more important testament of God the Eternal Father, his Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.

Today when we got home from the baptism, I open my email to find a letter from our latest missionary in the family. Elder Wright is one who has fought like a caged tiger for the opportunity to serve as a missionary. Health questions with no answers plagued him for over a year as he picked and poked at the medical system and slowly but surely worked his way through to find the sweet service he so wished and deserved to provide. The letter is very sacred and precious so I shall not divulge the nature of even the gist of his message. I will simply share that in the short week he has been on his mission he has grown into a man of God. In this world of difficulties, doubts, unanswerable questions, economic impending doom, liars, cheats, and unworthy desires; my heart takes courage and hope as I watch the future leaders of the world. These beautiful people working, loving, sharing, praying, doing the will of Our Father in Heaven.

I believe that the answer to the rhetorical question, “How can we take it in?” is right in front of us. Our job is to join in the feast of love and understanding right in front of us. Jesus told us that we needed to become as little children. I take this literally and ask myself; self, can I turn back the clock of my mind and think happy and sweet thoughts and share them with those around me? Can I get right down on the floor with that angelic one-year old and smile and laugh right back. Can I look around; see those who are having some of life’s trials and bring joy and encouragement to them? Forever I have been intrigued with the world of the autistic, with the epileptic, with the mentally deficient. What are they thinking? What are they going to report to our Savior about how we shared (or ignored) them? The young man plagued with bursts of loud noises; the child that looks just like yours that can only sit and stare at a notepad screen looking at random colors and designs is a child of God, placed here for purposes which are more than we can take in. Our job is to use our talents to bless those around us by loving, caring, actions.

God has formed for us, a beautiful world with all the challenges necessary for us to prove ourselves to ourselves. God bless us all that we can obtain to the challenge.

Duane Jacobs, husband, father, grandfather, uncle, cousin, brother, and friend

Ghosts from the past

February 7, 2015              

From time to time I have occasion to go back in my memory and dredge up things of significance. These retro-flashes are generally brought to the front of my brain because of a current event. This was a stereophonic, three dimensional reenactment of the whole melodrama of my excursion into planning and developing a prime corner at 800 North 1000 in Orem. Last week I received a letter from individuals who had recently purchased two buildings at 1027 and 1045 E. 800 N. in Orem. Surprise, surprise, they wanted to change the zoning on these two properties to C – 1 so they could change the use of these properties to “rehabilitation” facilities. Having barely lived through my personal excursion through hell over these, very similar, circumstances, I immediately emailed the letter’s author and shared my support for their notion and said I would be at the meeting.

When I got to the meeting I listened as they laid out their plan. The first thing I learned was that a couple of very important words were omitted in their invitation. The first one was drug and the other was alcohol. Woops! Back up and start over. What they were really trying to do was place a seven foot fence around a chunk of residential property to create a 16 – 20 bed drug and alcohol rehabilitation “detox” center including medical intervention. Some very concerned parents were there to defend their community. Their concerns were extremely valid and heartfelt as they shared their concerns about children passing by the drug rehab facility on an already busy and dangerous sidewalk as they went to school my heart really went out to them in their plight. What just happened here? What could I say, or do, that would calm their fears and give them a little light at the end of this horrific tunnel? I drew way down inside myself and pulled all my thoughts together and gave them – proponents and all – my best shot:

• The changes they are proposing are not in the best interests of that specific grouping of neighbors and will be permanent and will definitely get worse.
• A solution must be achieved that will bless the lives of all who will be impacted by this and other changes in our community. I shared a couple of thoughts on this, but they are irrelevant to this conversation. All such changes impact the families and the community they include in specific ways.
• Orem must not pretend the elephant in the room in the form of drugs, alcohol, homeless, derelicts, robbery, and all the other elements associated with the seven deadly sins does not exist. We must be part of the solution or we will find the community has created a monster.
• The acronym NIMBY – NOT IN MY BACK YARD – declares our natural tendency to protect our own at all costs. Some of us are have current reading assignments in the New Testament. Everything our Savior, Jesus the Christ shared with the world impacts how we will treat others. Paraphrasing, the first and great commandment is to Love God with all your heart, might, mind and strength. The second is like unto it; namely to love your neighbor (yes, even druggies, and others who have different perception of life).

I excused myself from the meeting (much to the relief of the presenters) saying I didn’t feel well and wanted to go home and be with my grandchildren – both true. The resurrection of these experiences made me physically and emotionally ill because I am absolutely positive there are answers that will provide us with opportunities to share with “the least of these” while allowing a wholesome, meaningful experience for all.

May God bless us with the personal revelation and understanding necessary to give us the necessary insights and understanding!

Duane Jacobs, husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, cousin, and friend

Ghosts from the past

February 7, 2015              

From time to time I have occasion to go back in my memory and dredge up things of significance. These retro-flashes are generally brought to the front of my brain because of a current event. This was a stereophonic, three dimensional reenactment of the whole melodrama of my excursion into planning and developing a prime corner at 800 North 1000 in Orem. Last week I received a letter from individuals who had recently purchased two buildings at 1027 and 1045 E. 800 N. in Orem. Surprise, surprise, they wanted to change the zoning on these two properties to C – 1 so they could change the use of these properties to “rehabilitation” facilities. Having barely lived through my personal excursion through hell over these, very similar, circumstances, I immediately emailed the letter’s author and shared my support for their notion and said I would be at the meeting.

When I got to the meeting I listened as they laid out their plan. The first thing I learned was that a couple of very important words were omitted in their invitation. The first one was drug and the other was alcohol. Woops! Back up and start over. What they were really trying to do was place a seven foot fence around a chunk of residential property to create a 16 – 20 bed drug and alcohol rehabilitation “detox” center including medical intervention. Some very concerned parents were there to defend their community. Their concerns were extremely valid and heartfelt as they shared their concerns about children passing by the drug rehab facility on an already busy and dangerous sidewalk as they went to school my heart really went out to them in their plight. What just happened here? What could I say, or do, that would calm their fears and give them a little light at the end of this horrific tunnel? I drew way down inside myself and pulled all my thoughts together and gave them – proponents and all – my best shot:

• The changes they are proposing are not in the best interests of that specific grouping of neighbors and will be permanent and will definitely get worse.
• A solution must be achieved that will bless the lives of all who will be impacted by this and other changes in our community. I shared a couple of thoughts on this, but they are irrelevant to this conversation. All such changes impact the families and the community they include in specific ways.
• Orem must not pretend the elephant in the room in the form of drugs, alcohol, homeless, derelicts, robbery, and all the other elements associated with the seven deadly sins does not exist. We must be part of the solution or we will find the community has created a monster.
• The acronym NIMBY – NOT IN MY BACK YARD – declares our natural tendency to protect our own at all costs. Some of us are have current reading assignments in the New Testament. Everything our Savior, Jesus the Christ shared with the world impacts how we will treat others. Paraphrasing, the first and great commandment is to Love God with all your heart, might, mind and strength. The second is like unto it; namely to love your neighbor (yes, even druggies, and others who have different perception of life).

I excused myself from the meeting (much to the relief of the presenters) saying I didn’t feel well and wanted to go home and be with my grandchildren – both true. The resurrection of these experiences made me physically and emotionally ill because I am absolutely positive there are answers that will provide us with opportunities to share with “the least of these” while allowing a wholesome, meaningful experience for all.

May God bless us with the personal revelation and understanding necessary to give us the necessary insights and understanding!

Duane Jacobs, husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle, cousin, and friend