How to be nice

January 3, 2015

The Christmas song about being naughty or nice makes me cringe. My new year’s resolution is to take back the thousands of times over the years when I have made people sad by my comments; made people look at what I had done as some kind of act of deceit or disloyalty; or had people just turn off the Duane switch and no longer accept me as their friend, colleague, or loved one. In this mortal sphere there is no take backs; only pleas for forgiveness and hopes of a better tomorrow.

For those who have, like me, been less than perfect may I recommend one way of taking a little of the sting out of those moments in our lives which limit our ability to be free of past discretions? I am going to do everything in my human frailty to ask those who have been hurt by my bad judgments to forgive me. I am going to work really, really hard on forgiving those who I feel have done things to dishonor me. Then, I am going to plead with my Savior to forgive me so that I can reach forward and rid myself of all ungodliness.

My father Charles Glenn Jacobs was a man of many seasons. In his youth he was an unholy terror, drinking, carousing, chasing women, making and selling bootleg liquor, and anything else that might fit in those categories. He was abusive to his first wife and moved from Texas to Arizona, where his next season began. Like the Children of Israel it took him a long time – ten years instead of forty – to find peace in his life. He and grandfather (Gramps) batched, ran cattle, built Glenn’s Trading Post in Concho at the junction that scattered  people in three directions; to St Johns, Holbrook, and Sholow. Those were wild days with lots more of the same. He met and married my mother and she became the moving force in his life for the next 32 years until he died in 1973. My mother was the strongest (spiritually, and mentally) of the two and gradually, through example and much, much forgiveness moved him forward to the next seasons. His introduction of mother to Gramps went something like this. He came in the store and went over by the wood stove where Gramps sat and said, dad, this is my new wife, Lucy to which Gramps retorted, “Well, S**t, if you can’t succeed at first, then try, try again.” She went downstairs, bawled for several hours; then, went about the business of taming the “beast”. On numerous occasions he would make comments about those d***n Mexicans, then immediately see the look of sadness on her face, apologize and say, “Moma, I am so sorry; I was fed hatred and bigotry with my mother’s milk.” Forgiving and asking forgiveness were the keys to their success.

When my book of life is opened before the Lord, I will see the little things done in the spirit of the moment that hurt people. I will see the time I was sitting as a guest at a dinner table when one of the ladies began commenting about the “fact” that there had been more than one person a day killed in the making of the Glen Canyon dam; to which I retorted that since the dam was at least ten years in the making, more than 3,650 people would have been killed. She was embarrassed; her husband was embarrassed; and all around just sat quietly allowing the ugliness of the moment to pass. One of those feathers I will never be able to retrieve. Recently, I have been hounding my daughter, Diane, asking for research on certain products. I brought her to tears and it was only then that I recognized that she was doing what she does out of love and concern for her very over-weight father. On another occasion I my beloved wife, Jean, feel bad because of our “discussions” regarding when and if we would spend time in Southern Utah. My mother had an answer to all the above when she addressed the issue of her success in staying the course of marriage with my father until his departure from this life. She declared that nothing in this life is worth arguing about. Even though my father loved to argue and challenge, she remained above that.

I pray that I can during this season of my life the nature, the caring, the opportunity, the privilege, and honor of being a child of Heavenly Father will prevail on me and bless me with tender understanding for those around me.

God bless us all that we may cherish those we love, remembering to ask for and receive forgiveness.

Duane Jacobs, father, grandfather, husband, uncle, brother, cousin, and friend