Bucket list 44 – excelling while mentally ill

July 20, 2014 (people keep asking why I say these are bucket list items: because I want to learn to do them and practice what I preach)

A rather famous television newscaster had a delightful promotion made for publication. In essence the note said that he went many years not knowing that he was clinically depressed. He found the cause of his ill health, received treatment and went on to be a much improved commentator and human being. Over the years I have observed thousands of students, community members, and family going through their daily rituals with absolute determination to succeed, grow, and bless the lives of those around them. If mental illness is defined as a deviation from the norm as I shared last week, most of the people I have observed fit the category nicely. How do they do it? How do they meet each day with a determination to “make it their best day”?

One fellow with whom I had the privilege of associating used that greeting virtually every time someone asked, in greeting, how he was doing? I was able to work with and observe George Durrant in many situations. On one occasion he was to begin a Stake Priesthood meeting promptly at 10:00 am. In his zeal to share the Gospel with these fine Brigham Young University students in the BYU Second Stake, he stood, went to the pulpit, greeted everyone, and began the meeting, while, I stood on the sidelines motioning for him to notice that he was ten minutes early. When I finally got his attention and he understood the problem he simply acknowledged his humanness, apologized quickly, then went on with the meeting as if it indeed was his “best day ever”.

How many times have I been caught up in a whirlwind of confusion, tactical errors, misguided efforts, or even lies in an effort to make something I had said or done seem less likely to be looked at as a fatal flaw in my well laid plans? Even worse how many times have I assumed responsibility for things that went wrong, knowing full well that nothing in my power could have turned the tides of life in that particular circumstance? The ultimate personal betrayal is when, in an effort to affix blame, we determine that we are without agency and all of life and its glorious experience is simply a blip on the screen of the universe and that we have no purpose or further value after our flame has gone out and we are heaped upon the ash tray of earth.

Anger, blame, and reprisal are not only damaging to the soul, but create an atmosphere of suspicion and fear that multiplies itself and causes spirals of torment. Every time I use these tools I fail. Every time I fail I find myself just a little further down the scale of humanity and less likely to find a positive alternative the next time. I have spent a few nights and days in emergency and hospital rooms observing the technicians, nurses, and other medical professionals. Everyone has a life story – some lovely and some down-horrifying. In all my experiences in such places I have yet to meet the person who responds well to criticism and anger. Universally, they will respond in kind so I make every effort to ask their name, ask for a joke, and try my best to smile and be a proper patient. Amazing as it may seem, most give me an apologetic, but pleasant answer of no, they can never remember jokes, and then share how much they dislike the little plastic name tags that are always upside down so people can’t see their name.

Can it be that those of us who are a little “crazy” can make things better all around us by sharing, polite, positive, well intentioned interventions? Doubtful, these actions alone will solve all the problems of the world, but they will certainly make life easier for those around us. This in itself is a giant boon to those who love us and want us to enjoy our association; however, the most spectacular improvement to come from acting well our part is the improved self esteem coming from such efforts. One very close to me has begun saying, “fantastic”, and I even know someone who declares he is “almost perfect”.

God bless us all, as crazy as we might be, to learn to love, to enjoy, and to grow just a little each day.

Duane Jacobs, grandfather, father, uncle, brother, cousin, and friend.