October 30, 2011
It is hard to raise kids. It was difficult when I was I was a boy; however, now it is almost impossible. After a wonderful primary program at Diane’s (our oldest daughter) where their two youngest (who happen to be boys) had sung their hearts out about all things spiritual, we went their house and began the ritual of trying to determine what can/should/must be done to keep the Sabbath holy. After a rhetorical comment/question by Diane about what we did when our four boys were young, we hummed and hawed and muttered something about getting through it. I attempted to answer but was caught up in try to make sense out of my own thoughts and really didn’t give the topic a meaningful answer.
This may make no sense at all, but it is the best I seem able to do. The answer goes to the root of the challenge; namely, why are we trying to do what “everybody” else can’t seem to do, has given up, or simply doesn’t believe is important? Because we care and because we have the framework of the Gospel to provide us with compelling evidence that our role in raising children is the second most important thing we, as mortal parents do while on this earth. We have been told that the first and great commandment is to love God; the second is like unto it to love our neighbor as ourselves. Simply put, if we love someone (including our self) we will do whatever is necessary to provide a solid structure in the home in which they can grow and find their personal awareness of God and our purposes on this earth.
Translating this to semi-logical English goes something like this.
Create an environment in which there is no doubt that you love your spouse, your children, your family, and God
Choose your battles carefully. Once a friend told me that sometimes people stand up so straight they fall over backwards. If you compel in all things you are not following the precepts of God. We all have our own agency and need to be able to see the results of our actions – both good and bad.
Design an atmosphere in which each person has an opportunity to share his or her talents. I could never throw a ball, but I could wrestle and tackle. Remember! Boys are just young men. They begin getting these weird hot flashes in their brains and other parts of their bodies long before they have any idea how to control, much less use them. It is kind of like the idiot savant that can’ tie his shoe, but can run a rubix cube in 29.2 seconds. Time takes care of most of these problems, but a caring mom and dad that are there to help explain what is going on with the hair in strange places, the smell, and the thoughts can go a long way to helping children reach manhood without permanent mental and physical scars. Your husbands/dads can explain some of these alligators to you.
Package things in the same way food is packaged. In many cases the biggest cost and the most important element is selling a concept, food, medicine, or life plan is in how it is presented. Once, a young family had to sit in front of the church congregation and make a presentation showing how their family put together a family home evening. One of the boys, about nine, was simply not having any of it. The mother was sure to have thought that she should take Samuel Clements’ humorous advice and placed the boy in a large pickle vat until he was about fifteen, then plugging up the holes. Instead each time he would pass gas, roll his eyes, lounge down almost slumping to the floor, or any of ten thousand other things boys can do to make their parents completely irrational, she would simply stare at him with this pleasant, big cheesy grin until he completed his exercise in futility. Then, they would go on with the presentation. It worked. It may even work again. In other words be consistent. Kind of like playing “chicken” when you have all the cards.
Well, I believe that is enough unsolicited advice for now. As Grandmother Stanley said as we sat around the table in this conversation, they grow up so fast and then we are all alone again.
God bless you in all your efforts to love, to give, and to serve
GPA Duane Jacobs, friend, uncle, cousin, grandfather, brother, and fellow child of our Heavenly Father.
Note: That friend’s name was Sharon Johns. She was one who really gave her all to be a Chritian and to love god, neighbor and self. Dj